“Mom, what do you think your calling is? Do you think you've fulfilled it?” This is what my daughter asked me last night, and I must say it has really caused me to stop and think. I know the reason she asked me is because she’s fifteen and she knows what her calling is and she’s afraid that she won’t know what to do to fulfill it. She’s afraid of missing her calling. I don’t think I’ve given her much hope in that area, it really doesn’t look like I’ve accomplished anything great.
I never had lofty dreams of being anyone famous, or anyone of notoriety. I didn’t dream of being a great inventor, or a politician. I didn’t dream of being a Dr. or a nurse, or the next person who would change our world. I only had dreams of being a wife and a mother. Of course in my dreams I was supposed to look glamorous, and live in a mansion, my husband would have the body of a tri-athlete, and a voice like Mel Gibson’s. The reality of the life I’m living today is quite different from the dreams of a child. I am the mother of three wonderful teenagers, and an adult son who is married, and has given me a wonderful daughter in-law. I have a beautiful step-daughter who has just given us our first grandson, she is engaged to a young man who, though we haven’t been able to spend much time together, as they’ve just recently moved back into the state he seems to be a really great guy. I am a wife and a mother, but I don’t look glamorous, we don’t live in a mansion, and while my husband is good looking, and he’s not overweight, unfortunately neither of us spend time at the gym.
I am living the life I dreamed of as a wife and a mother. I am very thankful for my husband and my children, they make my life complete. My daughter did get me to do some more thinking and analyze my life a little more. I remember when I was in my twenties; I really thought I was going to do something great for God. I didn’t want to be a pastor or a pastor’s wife, they have to put up with too many of other people’s problems and criticisms and judgmental attitudes. My hat goes off to all pastors and their wives’, I think you have the hardest job of all. I was just so in-love with God, and I wanted everyone to love God the way I did. I felt that even though we had our share of problems, I was happy and fulfilled with my life. I always felt that my greatest testimony was summed up in John 10:10: 10The thief cometh not but to steal and to kill and to destroy. I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I have always felt, both then and now that no matter what kind of problems are going on in our lives, I Love my life. I am happy, I feel satisfied and fulfilled. God has kept his promise in this verse; he has given me life and life more abundantly.
The real question here is what happened to the young lady who really believed that she would do something significant for God?
I used to think I was going to do something great for God. I didn’t want a big ministry or an important position; I just really wanted to be a part of the something big that God was doing. That is what I remember most, that strong desire to be a part of the ‘big thing’ that God was doing. I really wanted to be a part of something big. What happened to that desire? I think I went from feeling like I had something to offer. To feeling like I was inadequate to try to help somebody else. I went through a series of blows during the last two and a half years of my life. First of all we lost two homes to foreclosure which happened to be the only two homes we owned. We sold all of our household and outdoor furniture, a hot tub and a pool table trying to keep the houses from foreclosing. We moved out of state where we thought it would be easier to make a new start. We then sold our corvette to get back to California. We are now renting a decent house in a decent neighborhood, it’s not a mansion and it’s not our own, but it is a tremendous blessing just the same. Losing our houses and selling everything off were not the real hard things to go through. It wasn’t easy don’t get me wrong, I had a hard time with the failure and with the loss, but all of that stuff was just that ‘stuff’. The hardest part of what I went through was when the devil began the series of blows against who I am as a person. At the lowest point in our lives financially and materially speaking the devil began coming against those deep hidden insecurities that I thought I had left behind a long time ago. I was reminded of all of my past failures. I was reminded of how I grew up in poverty, and how our marriage began in poverty. I was reminded of how many times we were in need and had to rely on other people to help us out. I felt like all of my old insecurities, all of my old weaknesses were thrown out into the open for the entire world to see. Much like the dream where you show up at party or in the middle of town naked, and exposed for all to see. Those old fears and insecurities that I thought I had left behind with my youth all came back to haunt me, you know, those proverbial bones in the closet that no one else is supposed to see. I began to question who I am. I began to think that I really am nothing, but that scared insecure little girl who has nothing to offer to herself much less anybody else. It’s not like I had great sins that I didn’t want anyone else to know about. There was no abuse, no adultery I didn’t steal or kill anyone, I didn’t view pornography or flirt with other men. There were simply just old insecurities that I wanted to hide from the world and apparently myself as well. I grew up poor, we lived in a dirty home and I was never popular. All my life I wanted to hide these things I wanted people to see a woman who was sophisticated, well liked and at least middle class if not wealthy.
I was spending so much time trying to be who I thought I should be that I blocked God from being able to mold me into who He wanted me to be. God has recently showed me that the image I was trying to portray was nothing more than the graven images that the bible speaks of, images or idols that were created by people so they could worship this man-made image rather than worshiping God. I had erected an image of the person I wanted to be and that was the same as putting an idol before God. I was not happy with who I felt I was, and attempted to be something else, which is an insult to God who created me and loves me just as I am. I’m not saying we shouldn’t work on areas that need to be worked on in our lives. That is the purpose of this website, learning to overcome the things in our lives that keep us from being who we were truly created to be.
I thanked God for showing this to me, then, I confessed my sin to God, and I asked him to forgive me. Psalm chapter 32 is a great scripture to refer to for confessing sin.
Psalm 32
1 Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight!2 Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty! 3 When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away,and I groaned all day long. 4 Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. 5 Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone. 6 Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment. 7 For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. 8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. 9 Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.” 10 Many sorrows come to the wicked, but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord. 11 So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him! Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!
I want to encourage you if God has shown you, or when God shows you that there is sin in your life, don’t be like a stubborn mule, be quick to repent, and ask God to help you to move forward from there. God created this world, He created us, and He knows what is best for us. He knows where and how we will find true happiness and fulfillment. We try in vain when we strive in our own efforts separately from God to achieve happiness and fulfillment.
I believe God has been showing me lately a new purpose that he has for my life, or rather it’s new to me at least, I know God has known all his plans and purposes for my life since before I was ever conceived. I believe God is calling me to write, though this is only a very humble beginning, and I would never have believed it had someone told me that God has called me to write. I always hated literature in school it was one of my worst subjects. I’ve definitely never thought of myself as having the potential to be a writer, and that’s an understatement, but never the less God will do what God wants to do, and just as the Virgin Mary said to the angel, I say to God “I am the Lord’s servant, may everything you’ve said about me come true.”
I’m tired of telling God that I’m not qualified for this, or I’m not gifted enough for that, and so on and so on… If God has called me to do something, He knows how to equip me for it. If there is something you feel like God’s called you to but you’re too afraid, or you think you don’t have what it takes, I want to encourage you with the words of Jesus. “Do not be afraid, only believe”
God has great plans for our lives and true fulfillment and happiness and even blessing and prosperity come when we step into those plans. Together let’s let go of the fear, push past our excuses, and feelings of insufficiency and inadequacy. Together let’s step into the greatness of God’s plans for our lives.
I’ll talk to you next time, Margie
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
WHAT IS TRUE BEAUTY?
Does our beauty come from the clothes we wear, having the right hair style, perfect facial features, you know the perfect little nose, large beautiful eyes; well set cheek bones, and of course fitting into the right size clothing? I say NO, even though there is still a large part of me that wants all of these things to be just perfect. Though I may still have the desire for outward beauty, I know that is not where my true beauty lies. What I really must strive for has nothing to do with an outward appearance. When I am truly beautiful is when I am not focusing on what other people are thinking of me (whether good or bad), or being overly concerned about my appearance.
A woman is truly beautiful when she lives her life from her heart, when she is living the life that God created her to live. There are so many of us who are trying to fill someone else’s shoes, and we make ourselves miserable in the process. If you’re trying to be what you think someone else wants you to be, please, just stop! God has called each one of us for a specific purpose. There are some women that he has called into politics, some he has called into the business world, there are some women God has called into ministry, some women who are called to be writers and there are some women he has called to focus on staying home to be a wife and a mother. I’m sure there a great many professions that I could mention, but my point is this, there is only one place that you will truly shine, where you will be truly happy, there is only one place where you will be truly successful. You will only find that place when you step back and really listen; I mean really listen to your heart. What did you dream of becoming when you were a little girl? What are the things that make you feel good? What are the things that you enjoy doing most? Forget about what others are expecting of you; forget about what might be the most prestigious or prosperous life style. Get all those things completely out of your head and begin to dream again, feel again and begin to live again.
I’m reminded of the “Notebook” the scene where Noah is trying to get Ally to decide what she really wants and he says, “What do you want? Forget about what I want, forget about what Lon wants, and forget about what your mother wants! What do you want, what do you want?” An excerpt from the book reads, “You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love”. We have to forget about everything else, and just be still and listen to what our heart is telling us.
Right now our economy is at an all time low, and there are many people losing their jobs. Maybe this would be a good time to step back, do some soul searching and move into the place that God has for you. You may be concerned about whether or not you will be able to make enough money doing what your heart is telling you to do, let me recommend a book called “The Millionaire Maker” by Loral Langemeier. In this book Loral counsels individuals to do what they love doing and make money and even become wealthy doing it. I could also quote a gentleman friend of ours who is a motivational speaker and the CEO of his company. When they have to let someone go because they are not performing well with the company, they tell them “We are freeing you to do what you were meant to do”. I have heard it said that “A person will never make as much money as he will when he is doing what he loves doing”. This however, is not all about money, but about happiness and fulfillment. I simply want to assure you that if your concern is money then forget about it. Though I’m sure you will have to make some sacrifices, with your time and your finances, but in the end I believe it will be well worth it. You may even fail at first, but we learn the most from our failures, and our failures then become our assets. We must use our failures as stepping stones to success. There was a time in my life that I had an extremely horrible fear of failure, I mean I was terrified of failing, because I believed those failures defined me to be a failure. I was terribly wrong. We are not defined by our failures. We are defined by our tenacity, our determined spirits to keep going in the face of obstacles, troubles and yes even failure, as well as how we keep our integrity, and how we treat those around us during those times. I’ve even heard one successful mans advice to be “fail and fail big”. Our lives are strengthened by our difficulties; God himself knows that he says
16 “That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are[a] being renewed every day. 17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever”. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18: New Living Translation (NLT)
I encourage you to spend some time evaluating your life. How happy are you as a person? How fulfilled are you with where your at in life? Do you have to force yourself to get up and go to work in the mornings? Do you have to drag yourself through the work week just to get to the weekend? For those who may be earning a good income, but your simply just not fulfilled, ask yourself; am I having to compromise my principals, integrity or morality for this position? Is this really what I want to spend the rest of my life doing? There is absolutely nothing wrong with making a lot of money, there’s nothing wrong with being filthy rich, as long as you enjoy doing what you’re doing, and you don’t have to compromise your integrity in the process, or step on other people to do so. And what is the purpose of having wealth if not to help others, and our communities. I believe it is the duty of all the poor and the wealthy alike to give to others, and not horde up our wealth for ourselves.
11Wealth obtained by fraud dwindles, but the one who gathers by labor increases it. Proverbs 13:11:
This past Sunday, which was the last Sunday of 2008, one of our pastors at Calvary Temple Worship center in Modesto, Franklin Santagate spoke a great message on seeking God for your future, and the calling or work for your life. He read from the book Habakkuk, for those who aren’t familiar with the bible, Habakkuk is a book in the bible, found in the Old Testament.
Habakkuk 2:1,2:
1 I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guardpost. There I will wait to see what the Lord says and how he will answer my complaint.
The Lord’s Second Reply
2 Then the Lord said to me,
“Write my answer plainly on tablets, so that a runner can carry the correct message to others. (NLT)
The message here is that we should set ourselves in a place to diligently and with perseverance seek God for the vision of what He’s asking us to do. We wait until we have received that vision and then write it boldly and plainly, post it on a wall, on a bulletin board or on our desk so that it is kept before our eyes, and then we must run with it.
The bible also says in Proverbs 13:12
12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick (weary),
But a dream fulfilled is a tree of life”.
We can’t keep sitting back waiting for our dreams to be fulfilled, or continue in the pursuit of something that is simply not what God has called us to. If we continue in this way we will be in a continual state of disharmony and weariness.
There is obviously much more to obtaining true beauty, beyond the topic of our life’s work. There are many other things such as freedom from fear, bitterness, unforgiveness, resentment, anger, hurt etc… the list can go on and on. This is a process that all of us should be in. I don’t think any of us could say that we have arrived, and we no longer need to work on improving ourselves in any way. Please keep in mind that the purpose of perfecting oneself isn’t to achieve perfection, but to obtain freedom, joy and the full and happy life that we were truly meant to live. I know that even as I’m writing this much of it is what I’m learning myself or have recently learned.
I hope you will stay with me and even share this with other women in your life, as we discover together our true beauty, and become the women that we long to be, the women we were created to be.
A woman is truly beautiful when she lives her life from her heart, when she is living the life that God created her to live. There are so many of us who are trying to fill someone else’s shoes, and we make ourselves miserable in the process. If you’re trying to be what you think someone else wants you to be, please, just stop! God has called each one of us for a specific purpose. There are some women that he has called into politics, some he has called into the business world, there are some women God has called into ministry, some women who are called to be writers and there are some women he has called to focus on staying home to be a wife and a mother. I’m sure there a great many professions that I could mention, but my point is this, there is only one place that you will truly shine, where you will be truly happy, there is only one place where you will be truly successful. You will only find that place when you step back and really listen; I mean really listen to your heart. What did you dream of becoming when you were a little girl? What are the things that make you feel good? What are the things that you enjoy doing most? Forget about what others are expecting of you; forget about what might be the most prestigious or prosperous life style. Get all those things completely out of your head and begin to dream again, feel again and begin to live again.
I’m reminded of the “Notebook” the scene where Noah is trying to get Ally to decide what she really wants and he says, “What do you want? Forget about what I want, forget about what Lon wants, and forget about what your mother wants! What do you want, what do you want?” An excerpt from the book reads, “You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love”. We have to forget about everything else, and just be still and listen to what our heart is telling us.
Right now our economy is at an all time low, and there are many people losing their jobs. Maybe this would be a good time to step back, do some soul searching and move into the place that God has for you. You may be concerned about whether or not you will be able to make enough money doing what your heart is telling you to do, let me recommend a book called “The Millionaire Maker” by Loral Langemeier. In this book Loral counsels individuals to do what they love doing and make money and even become wealthy doing it. I could also quote a gentleman friend of ours who is a motivational speaker and the CEO of his company. When they have to let someone go because they are not performing well with the company, they tell them “We are freeing you to do what you were meant to do”. I have heard it said that “A person will never make as much money as he will when he is doing what he loves doing”. This however, is not all about money, but about happiness and fulfillment. I simply want to assure you that if your concern is money then forget about it. Though I’m sure you will have to make some sacrifices, with your time and your finances, but in the end I believe it will be well worth it. You may even fail at first, but we learn the most from our failures, and our failures then become our assets. We must use our failures as stepping stones to success. There was a time in my life that I had an extremely horrible fear of failure, I mean I was terrified of failing, because I believed those failures defined me to be a failure. I was terribly wrong. We are not defined by our failures. We are defined by our tenacity, our determined spirits to keep going in the face of obstacles, troubles and yes even failure, as well as how we keep our integrity, and how we treat those around us during those times. I’ve even heard one successful mans advice to be “fail and fail big”. Our lives are strengthened by our difficulties; God himself knows that he says
16 “That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are[a] being renewed every day. 17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever”. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18: New Living Translation (NLT)
I encourage you to spend some time evaluating your life. How happy are you as a person? How fulfilled are you with where your at in life? Do you have to force yourself to get up and go to work in the mornings? Do you have to drag yourself through the work week just to get to the weekend? For those who may be earning a good income, but your simply just not fulfilled, ask yourself; am I having to compromise my principals, integrity or morality for this position? Is this really what I want to spend the rest of my life doing? There is absolutely nothing wrong with making a lot of money, there’s nothing wrong with being filthy rich, as long as you enjoy doing what you’re doing, and you don’t have to compromise your integrity in the process, or step on other people to do so. And what is the purpose of having wealth if not to help others, and our communities. I believe it is the duty of all the poor and the wealthy alike to give to others, and not horde up our wealth for ourselves.
11Wealth obtained by fraud dwindles, but the one who gathers by labor increases it. Proverbs 13:11:
This past Sunday, which was the last Sunday of 2008, one of our pastors at Calvary Temple Worship center in Modesto, Franklin Santagate spoke a great message on seeking God for your future, and the calling or work for your life. He read from the book Habakkuk, for those who aren’t familiar with the bible, Habakkuk is a book in the bible, found in the Old Testament.
Habakkuk 2:1,2:
1 I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guardpost. There I will wait to see what the Lord says and how he will answer my complaint.
The Lord’s Second Reply
2 Then the Lord said to me,
“Write my answer plainly on tablets, so that a runner can carry the correct message to others. (NLT)
The message here is that we should set ourselves in a place to diligently and with perseverance seek God for the vision of what He’s asking us to do. We wait until we have received that vision and then write it boldly and plainly, post it on a wall, on a bulletin board or on our desk so that it is kept before our eyes, and then we must run with it.
The bible also says in Proverbs 13:12
12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick (weary),
But a dream fulfilled is a tree of life”.
We can’t keep sitting back waiting for our dreams to be fulfilled, or continue in the pursuit of something that is simply not what God has called us to. If we continue in this way we will be in a continual state of disharmony and weariness.
There is obviously much more to obtaining true beauty, beyond the topic of our life’s work. There are many other things such as freedom from fear, bitterness, unforgiveness, resentment, anger, hurt etc… the list can go on and on. This is a process that all of us should be in. I don’t think any of us could say that we have arrived, and we no longer need to work on improving ourselves in any way. Please keep in mind that the purpose of perfecting oneself isn’t to achieve perfection, but to obtain freedom, joy and the full and happy life that we were truly meant to live. I know that even as I’m writing this much of it is what I’m learning myself or have recently learned.
I hope you will stay with me and even share this with other women in your life, as we discover together our true beauty, and become the women that we long to be, the women we were created to be.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Where Did We Lose Heart?
Somewhere along the way we’ve lost heart. We’ve lost a part of who we are. Was it due to a series of blows against our heart, or was there one traumatic event that crippled the desire to be beautiful?
“There is something fierce in the heart of a woman. Simply insult her children, her man or her best friend and you’ll get a taste of it. A woman is a warrior too. But she is meant to be a warrior in a uniquely feminine way. Sometime before the sorrows of life did their best to kill it in us, most young women wanted to be a part of something grand, something important. Before doubt and accusation take hold, most little girls sense that they have a vital role to play; they want to believe there is something in them that is needed and needed desperately”. Exert from ‘Captivating’ by John and Stasi Eldredge.
There is a woman in my life that I love very much, and I would like to share her story. To keep her privacy I will call her Elizabeth.
Elizabeth grew up believing herself to be less than those around her. She felt that her hair wasn’t the right color, and it was too frizzy. She believed that she had too many freckles; she was too skinny, and too tall. She actually had everything it took by appearance to be a super model, but she couldn’t see it. Elizabeth believed her sister was prettier than her, more popular than her and more loved than her. She believed her sister got all the guys, and had all the right friends. Elizabeth’s sister on the other hand, had always felt a need to have all the right friends, to strive for popularity out of her own feelings of lack and insufficiency. Elizabeth’s sister was actually told by a family member that Elizabeth was the prettier of the two sisters, only Elizabeth was never able to see it. We have an enemy who is fighting against our hearts to keep us from being who he knows we can be. The enemy of Elizabeth’s heart of course set up events in her life to cause her to feel like she had no beauty to offer. There were guys that Elizabeth liked as a teenager, and some of these guys of course liked her sister, thus convincing Elizabeth that she was not as pretty, that she was the ugly duckling. One of these guys was a boy that a friend had set her up with and they had talked a few times on the phone, and seemed to get a long. They decided to meet in person, and her sister was there also. Well this boy was about two or three inches shorter than her, and he actually had the gall to call the next day and rather than ask for Elizabeth he asked for her sister, and told her that Elizabeth was too tall for him. The sister wanted nothing to do with him, but never the less what kind of message do you think that spoke to Elizabeth’s heart. Elizabeth seemed to give up trying to be beautiful, decided it was easier to be plain. It seemed to be more difficult to make an attempt to offer her beauty only to be told that she had no beauty to give.
This is the story of a young girl who was truly beautiful, but because she believed the messages that she was receiving, too tall, too thin, wrong color hair, too many freckles… Elizabeth gave up; she gave up attempting to portray beauty, because she felt she had none to offer. There is a beauty in Elizabeth that goes beyond her outward appearance, she loves to help others. If there is anyone in need she will be the first to arrive to help without having to be asked.
There are many of us who, like Elizabeth, have felt that if we offer our beauty, or our true self it will be rejected so we just hide behind our facades. We hide behind who we think others want us to be, or we simply hide away without offering any part of our selves at all. What if we decided to just push past the fear of rejection; push past our insecurities and insufficiencies? If we push past everything that holds us back and simply live from our hearts what would it be like? I believe that every woman who makes the decision to live from her heart disregarding all those inner voices of fear and insufficiency will be truly a woman of true beauty, living a life of freedom and joy. She will have so much more to offer to the world around her, her friends, family and co-workers. Living from the heart free of fear, holding back no part of who you are, now that, is true beauty.
Look at the words to Bethany Dillon’s song ‘Beautiful”, I believe this is the longing of every young girl’s heart. Unfortunately by the time we’ve reached adulthood many of us have shut out that longing till we believe it no longer exists, or we resent it and believe it to be foolishness, weakness or immaturity.
“I want to be beautiful
And make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart
And be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
I just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful”
BETHANY DILLON, “BEAUTIFUL”
“Many of us have hardened our hearts to the desire to be beautiful. We too, have been hurt so deeply in this area that we no longer identify with, perhaps even resent, the longing. But it’s there, and it’s not just the desire for an outward beauty, but more-a desire to be captivating in the depths of who you are.” –Captivating
“There is something fierce in the heart of a woman. Simply insult her children, her man or her best friend and you’ll get a taste of it. A woman is a warrior too. But she is meant to be a warrior in a uniquely feminine way. Sometime before the sorrows of life did their best to kill it in us, most young women wanted to be a part of something grand, something important. Before doubt and accusation take hold, most little girls sense that they have a vital role to play; they want to believe there is something in them that is needed and needed desperately”. Exert from ‘Captivating’ by John and Stasi Eldredge.
There is a woman in my life that I love very much, and I would like to share her story. To keep her privacy I will call her Elizabeth.
Elizabeth grew up believing herself to be less than those around her. She felt that her hair wasn’t the right color, and it was too frizzy. She believed that she had too many freckles; she was too skinny, and too tall. She actually had everything it took by appearance to be a super model, but she couldn’t see it. Elizabeth believed her sister was prettier than her, more popular than her and more loved than her. She believed her sister got all the guys, and had all the right friends. Elizabeth’s sister on the other hand, had always felt a need to have all the right friends, to strive for popularity out of her own feelings of lack and insufficiency. Elizabeth’s sister was actually told by a family member that Elizabeth was the prettier of the two sisters, only Elizabeth was never able to see it. We have an enemy who is fighting against our hearts to keep us from being who he knows we can be. The enemy of Elizabeth’s heart of course set up events in her life to cause her to feel like she had no beauty to offer. There were guys that Elizabeth liked as a teenager, and some of these guys of course liked her sister, thus convincing Elizabeth that she was not as pretty, that she was the ugly duckling. One of these guys was a boy that a friend had set her up with and they had talked a few times on the phone, and seemed to get a long. They decided to meet in person, and her sister was there also. Well this boy was about two or three inches shorter than her, and he actually had the gall to call the next day and rather than ask for Elizabeth he asked for her sister, and told her that Elizabeth was too tall for him. The sister wanted nothing to do with him, but never the less what kind of message do you think that spoke to Elizabeth’s heart. Elizabeth seemed to give up trying to be beautiful, decided it was easier to be plain. It seemed to be more difficult to make an attempt to offer her beauty only to be told that she had no beauty to give.
This is the story of a young girl who was truly beautiful, but because she believed the messages that she was receiving, too tall, too thin, wrong color hair, too many freckles… Elizabeth gave up; she gave up attempting to portray beauty, because she felt she had none to offer. There is a beauty in Elizabeth that goes beyond her outward appearance, she loves to help others. If there is anyone in need she will be the first to arrive to help without having to be asked.
There are many of us who, like Elizabeth, have felt that if we offer our beauty, or our true self it will be rejected so we just hide behind our facades. We hide behind who we think others want us to be, or we simply hide away without offering any part of our selves at all. What if we decided to just push past the fear of rejection; push past our insecurities and insufficiencies? If we push past everything that holds us back and simply live from our hearts what would it be like? I believe that every woman who makes the decision to live from her heart disregarding all those inner voices of fear and insufficiency will be truly a woman of true beauty, living a life of freedom and joy. She will have so much more to offer to the world around her, her friends, family and co-workers. Living from the heart free of fear, holding back no part of who you are, now that, is true beauty.
Look at the words to Bethany Dillon’s song ‘Beautiful”, I believe this is the longing of every young girl’s heart. Unfortunately by the time we’ve reached adulthood many of us have shut out that longing till we believe it no longer exists, or we resent it and believe it to be foolishness, weakness or immaturity.
“I want to be beautiful
And make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart
And be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
I just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful”
BETHANY DILLON, “BEAUTIFUL”
“Many of us have hardened our hearts to the desire to be beautiful. We too, have been hurt so deeply in this area that we no longer identify with, perhaps even resent, the longing. But it’s there, and it’s not just the desire for an outward beauty, but more-a desire to be captivating in the depths of who you are.” –Captivating
I hope to stir up the desire that is in all of us to be the beauty of the story, to be captivating. If we can at least get back in touch with that desire it will be a beginning. Then we can move from there, and find ways to express the beauty that is in each one of us, the beauty that is on the inside and the outside as well. The beauty of the woman God created us to be.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
What Makes A Woman Beautiful?
Is there really any hope of actually being that woman, that woman who feels free just to be herself, to love and be loved, giving of herself freely, and without shame, without the fear of being rejected?
I think it's true that many of us hold back who we truly are out of fear. We seldom laugh out loud publicly, because that would draw attention to ourselves, and of course that's embarrassing. There was a lady who used to attend my church, and I loved sitting near her. When the pastor would say something humorous she would just laugh out loud, there was no self-consciousness about it. She wasn't a distraction at all; she simply had a pure joyful laughter that can only come from feeling comfortable about who you are, and not holding back out of fear.
As women we fear being vulnerable, we don't want people to see our fears, our hurts, our weaknesses etc... We're afraid that if we offer our true selves it won't be wanted. I know for too long I have held back a very large part of me, and in the holding back I've lost a lot of who I am. I hide behind who I think people want me to be.
What is it that women think is expected by other women, is it poise, fashion, a slim figure, a quiet delicate laugh, just the right hair style, manicured nails, fresh pedicures, always strong, never weak, she can't be needy, and of course she must always be busy serving, right? Is there anything wrong with any of these things? I say absolutely not. I love it when I look good, sorry, but I do. I would love to be a size six or for my height maybe an eight. I would love to always have fresh manicures and pedicures, always have my hair done just right, and I truly do love serving others. But let's face it; we can't always have everything perfect. Some of us have difficult hair; some of us don't have the income, or the time to go have manicures and pedicures. Sometimes we're too busy with our own lives to be serving others. My point is there's nothing wrong with all of these things, the problem is when we feel demanded by internal and external pressures to be, or to do what we think is expected.
A woman is truly beautiful when she is free to just be who she is without pressure, without self consciousness. When she does her hair, make up and nails, when she dresses up simply because she feels good about herself and loves looking good, when she serves others out of love and not pressure.
I remember years ago I had gone to a large women’s event with my mother in-law and sister in-law. I spent a lot of extra time on my hair and makeup, and I really wanted to look classy. We got back to the hotel, I looked in the mirror, and I was a mess. My hair had fallen, my make up was gone, and my clothes were all crumpled. I complained to my sister in-law that every time I really wanted to look classy, it never worked, but I looked worse than usual. Her response to me was shocking. She said "Margie you are classy, quit trying to be classy, and just be who you are, because who you are is classy". That was a defining moment for me, it has always stayed with me, and a lot of who I am today is because of that. (Thank you Shell, I love you!)
Here's a little bit about myself, some of my fears, some of the things I hold back. Dancing, I have no rhythm (or at least I'm afraid I don't), and so while I would absolutely love to dance, I don't because I'm afraid I will look stupid. I did dance at my son's wedding however, and I was terrified. My (then future) daughter in-law asked me to get a song for the mother son dance, and I freaked out. All of a sudden I was so full of fear, because I was going to have to dance in front of all of my friends and family. I knew I was not going to allow fear and self consciousness to keep me from having this moment with my son, so I overcame fear and had a wonderful dance with my son. I saw the video, and I didn't even look stupid, and it was actually quite a beautiful moment, and I'm so thankful that I pushed passed the fear and had that dance.
I'm afraid to sing out loud, because I don't have a beautiful voice so I keep it to myself (accept at home, where I love to sing opera). I would absolutely love to just sing right out loud and not be self conscious about it. My daughter in-law is so precious she just sings right out loud without a care of what anyone else thinks. I think that in it’s self is beautiful.
I also hold back from expressing myself. I would actually love to talk and be as expressive as people were in earlier eras, when it was okay to express your emotions. When it was okay to tell people how you really feel, and to express the depth of those feelings. My Dearest Mary, I can't sleep at night, because I lie awake thinking about you.... What is so bad about really letting someone know how you feel, and how deeply you feel it? While I don't think I would use the term "dearest", I would love to let others know how I really feel, to express the depth of my emotions, but I don't because that would be unacceptable right?
What are the things of yourself that you hold back? Do you hold back your laugh, or your song? Do you hold back dancing? Do you hold back from giving a hug, because you’re afraid the other person won't want it? Do you hold back what you have to say because you're afraid it won't be received well? Do you hold back helping someone because you think it's unwanted? Do you have a gift (and I don't mean a package) that you're afraid to offer, because maybe it's not quite good enough?
I believe there are many of us who hold back a large part of what makes us who we are out of fear; fear of rejection, fear of failure, and I’m sure it could go on and on. I also believe that pushing past those fears and being who you were truly meant to be, and offering what you have to offer is a step in becoming that beautiful woman who has been buried under the surface of who, and what we think we should be.
There is no three step program to offer, or a magic trick to perform to be that beautiful woman. Becoming who we were truly meant to be; a woman to the core; a woman who is free to be beautiful, desirable, vulnerable, and delicate yet strong is a process. Follow along with me on this journey to discovering the beautiful woman you truly are.
I think it's true that many of us hold back who we truly are out of fear. We seldom laugh out loud publicly, because that would draw attention to ourselves, and of course that's embarrassing. There was a lady who used to attend my church, and I loved sitting near her. When the pastor would say something humorous she would just laugh out loud, there was no self-consciousness about it. She wasn't a distraction at all; she simply had a pure joyful laughter that can only come from feeling comfortable about who you are, and not holding back out of fear.
As women we fear being vulnerable, we don't want people to see our fears, our hurts, our weaknesses etc... We're afraid that if we offer our true selves it won't be wanted. I know for too long I have held back a very large part of me, and in the holding back I've lost a lot of who I am. I hide behind who I think people want me to be.
What is it that women think is expected by other women, is it poise, fashion, a slim figure, a quiet delicate laugh, just the right hair style, manicured nails, fresh pedicures, always strong, never weak, she can't be needy, and of course she must always be busy serving, right? Is there anything wrong with any of these things? I say absolutely not. I love it when I look good, sorry, but I do. I would love to be a size six or for my height maybe an eight. I would love to always have fresh manicures and pedicures, always have my hair done just right, and I truly do love serving others. But let's face it; we can't always have everything perfect. Some of us have difficult hair; some of us don't have the income, or the time to go have manicures and pedicures. Sometimes we're too busy with our own lives to be serving others. My point is there's nothing wrong with all of these things, the problem is when we feel demanded by internal and external pressures to be, or to do what we think is expected.
A woman is truly beautiful when she is free to just be who she is without pressure, without self consciousness. When she does her hair, make up and nails, when she dresses up simply because she feels good about herself and loves looking good, when she serves others out of love and not pressure.
I remember years ago I had gone to a large women’s event with my mother in-law and sister in-law. I spent a lot of extra time on my hair and makeup, and I really wanted to look classy. We got back to the hotel, I looked in the mirror, and I was a mess. My hair had fallen, my make up was gone, and my clothes were all crumpled. I complained to my sister in-law that every time I really wanted to look classy, it never worked, but I looked worse than usual. Her response to me was shocking. She said "Margie you are classy, quit trying to be classy, and just be who you are, because who you are is classy". That was a defining moment for me, it has always stayed with me, and a lot of who I am today is because of that. (Thank you Shell, I love you!)
Here's a little bit about myself, some of my fears, some of the things I hold back. Dancing, I have no rhythm (or at least I'm afraid I don't), and so while I would absolutely love to dance, I don't because I'm afraid I will look stupid. I did dance at my son's wedding however, and I was terrified. My (then future) daughter in-law asked me to get a song for the mother son dance, and I freaked out. All of a sudden I was so full of fear, because I was going to have to dance in front of all of my friends and family. I knew I was not going to allow fear and self consciousness to keep me from having this moment with my son, so I overcame fear and had a wonderful dance with my son. I saw the video, and I didn't even look stupid, and it was actually quite a beautiful moment, and I'm so thankful that I pushed passed the fear and had that dance.
I'm afraid to sing out loud, because I don't have a beautiful voice so I keep it to myself (accept at home, where I love to sing opera). I would absolutely love to just sing right out loud and not be self conscious about it. My daughter in-law is so precious she just sings right out loud without a care of what anyone else thinks. I think that in it’s self is beautiful.
I also hold back from expressing myself. I would actually love to talk and be as expressive as people were in earlier eras, when it was okay to express your emotions. When it was okay to tell people how you really feel, and to express the depth of those feelings. My Dearest Mary, I can't sleep at night, because I lie awake thinking about you.... What is so bad about really letting someone know how you feel, and how deeply you feel it? While I don't think I would use the term "dearest", I would love to let others know how I really feel, to express the depth of my emotions, but I don't because that would be unacceptable right?
What are the things of yourself that you hold back? Do you hold back your laugh, or your song? Do you hold back dancing? Do you hold back from giving a hug, because you’re afraid the other person won't want it? Do you hold back what you have to say because you're afraid it won't be received well? Do you hold back helping someone because you think it's unwanted? Do you have a gift (and I don't mean a package) that you're afraid to offer, because maybe it's not quite good enough?
I believe there are many of us who hold back a large part of what makes us who we are out of fear; fear of rejection, fear of failure, and I’m sure it could go on and on. I also believe that pushing past those fears and being who you were truly meant to be, and offering what you have to offer is a step in becoming that beautiful woman who has been buried under the surface of who, and what we think we should be.
There is no three step program to offer, or a magic trick to perform to be that beautiful woman. Becoming who we were truly meant to be; a woman to the core; a woman who is free to be beautiful, desirable, vulnerable, and delicate yet strong is a process. Follow along with me on this journey to discovering the beautiful woman you truly are.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Searching to be a woman truly alive.
Is there really such a woman that the fairy tales speak of, that woman locked in a tower, and she’s so beautiful, so captivating, so needed that there is someone who is willing to risk his life to search for her and fight to save her?
I have come to the conclusion that the more I try to be the woman I think I'm supposed to be, the further I get from that woman. I have come across some books that have helped me in my endeavor to be a woman who is truly alive, a woman who is truly passionate, a woman who is at her core, beautiful and essential to the world around her, a woman who is desirable, and a woman who is worth fighting for. I have found that the more I learn, the more I want to share what I’m learning with the women in my life, so I have decided to create a website for just that purpose.
This website is for every woman who is searching, searching to know if it really is possible to be that woman. To be that woman who is desirable, that woman who is loved, who is needed, who is fully alive, to be that woman who is passionate and sexy. Is it possible to be a Mom, to be a business woman, to be a politician, to be a wife, and not lose your self in the busyness of it all, that part of yourself that longs to be sexy, to be desired to be beautiful?
I have come to the conclusion that the more I try to be the woman I think I'm supposed to be, the further I get from that woman. I have come across some books that have helped me in my endeavor to be a woman who is truly alive, a woman who is truly passionate, a woman who is at her core, beautiful and essential to the world around her, a woman who is desirable, and a woman who is worth fighting for. I have found that the more I learn, the more I want to share what I’m learning with the women in my life, so I have decided to create a website for just that purpose.
This website is for every woman who is searching, searching to know if it really is possible to be that woman. To be that woman who is desirable, that woman who is loved, who is needed, who is fully alive, to be that woman who is passionate and sexy. Is it possible to be a Mom, to be a business woman, to be a politician, to be a wife, and not lose your self in the busyness of it all, that part of yourself that longs to be sexy, to be desired to be beautiful?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)