What Do You Think Your Calling is? Do You Think You Have Fulfilled It?

“Mom, what do you think your calling is? Do you think you've fulfilled it?” This is what my daughter asked me last night, and I must say it has really caused me to stop and think. I know the reason she asked me is because she’s fifteen and she knows what her calling is and she’s afraid that she won’t know what to do to fulfill it. She’s afraid of missing her calling. I don’t think I’ve given her much hope in that area, it really doesn’t look like I’ve accomplished anything great.

I never had lofty dreams of being anyone famous, or anyone of notoriety. I didn’t dream of being a great inventor, or a politician. I didn’t dream of being a Dr. or a nurse, or the next person who would change our world. I only had dreams of being a wife and a mother. Of course in my dreams I was supposed to look glamorous, and live in a mansion, my husband would have the body of a tri-athlete, and a voice like Mel Gibson’s. The reality of the life I’m living today is quite different from the dreams of a child. I am the mother of three wonderful teenagers, and an adult son who is married, and has given me a wonderful daughter in-law. I have a beautiful step-daughter who has just given us our first grandson, she is engaged to a young man who, though we haven’t been able to spend much time together, as they’ve just recently moved back into the state he seems to be a really great guy. I am a wife and a mother, but I don’t look glamorous, we don’t live in a mansion, and while my husband is good looking, and he’s not overweight, unfortunately neither of us spend time at the gym.

I am living the life I dreamed of as a wife and a mother. I am very thankful for my husband and my children, they make my life complete. My daughter did get me to do some more thinking and analyze my life a little more. I remember when I was in my twenties; I really thought I was going to do something great for God. I didn’t want to be a pastor or a pastor’s wife, they have to put up with too many of other people’s problems and criticisms and judgmental attitudes. My hat goes off to all pastors and their wives’, I think you have the hardest job of all. I was just so in-love with God, and I wanted everyone to love God the way I did. I felt that even though we had our share of problems, I was happy and fulfilled with my life. I always felt that my greatest testimony was summed up in John 10:10: 10The thief cometh not but to steal and to kill and to destroy. I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I have always felt, both then and now that no matter what kind of problems are going on in our lives, I Love my life. I am happy, I feel satisfied and fulfilled. God has kept his promise in this verse; he has given me life and life more abundantly.

The real question here is what happened to the young lady who really believed that she would do something significant for God?

I used to think I was going to do something great for God. I didn’t want a big ministry or an important position; I just really wanted to be a part of the something big that God was doing. That is what I remember most, that strong desire to be a part of the ‘big thing’ that God was doing. I really wanted to be a part of something big. What happened to that desire? I think I went from feeling like I had something to offer. To feeling like I was inadequate to try to help somebody else. I went through a series of blows during the last two and a half years of my life. First of all we lost two homes to foreclosure which happened to be the only two homes we owned. We sold all of our household and outdoor furniture, a hot tub and a pool table trying to keep the houses from foreclosing. We moved out of state where we thought it would be easier to make a new start. We then sold our corvette to get back to California. We are now renting a decent house in a decent neighborhood, it’s not a mansion and it’s not our own, but it is a tremendous blessing just the same. Losing our houses and selling everything off were not the real hard things to go through. It wasn’t easy don’t get me wrong, I had a hard time with the failure and with the loss, but all of that stuff was just that ‘stuff’. The hardest part of what I went through was when the devil began the series of blows against who I am as a person. At the lowest point in our lives financially and materially speaking the devil began coming against those deep hidden insecurities that I thought I had left behind a long time ago. I was reminded of all of my past failures. I was reminded of how I grew up in poverty, and how our marriage began in poverty. I was reminded of how many times we were in need and had to rely on other people to help us out. I felt like all of my old insecurities, all of my old weaknesses were thrown out into the open for the entire world to see. Much like the dream where you show up at party or in the middle of town naked, and exposed for all to see. Those old fears and insecurities that I thought I had left behind with my youth all came back to haunt me, you know, those proverbial bones in the closet that no one else is supposed to see. I began to question who I am. I began to think that I really am nothing, but that scared insecure little girl who has nothing to offer to herself much less anybody else. It’s not like I had great sins that I didn’t want anyone else to know about. There was no abuse, no adultery I didn’t steal or kill anyone, I didn’t view pornography or flirt with other men. There were simply just old insecurities that I wanted to hide from the world and apparently myself as well. I grew up poor, we lived in a dirty home and I was never popular. All my life I wanted to hide these things I wanted people to see a woman who was sophisticated, well liked and at least middle class if not wealthy.

I was spending so much time trying to be who I thought I should be that I blocked God from being able to mold me into who He wanted me to be. God has recently showed me that the image I was trying to portray was nothing more than the graven images that the bible speaks of, images or idols that were created by people so they could worship this man-made image rather than worshiping God. I had erected an image of the person I wanted to be and that was the same as putting an idol before God. I was not happy with who I felt I was, and attempted to be something else, which is an insult to God who created me and loves me just as I am. I’m not saying we shouldn’t work on areas that need to be worked on in our lives. That is the purpose of this website, learning to overcome the things in our lives that keep us from being who we were truly created to be.

I thanked God for showing this to me, then, I confessed my sin to God, and I asked him to forgive me. Psalm chapter 32 is a great scripture to refer to for confessing sin.

Psalm 32
1 Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight!2 Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty! 3 When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away,and I groaned all day long. 4 Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. 5 Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone. 6 Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment. 7 For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. 8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. 9 Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.” 10 Many sorrows come to the wicked, but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord. 11 So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him! Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!

I want to encourage you if God has shown you, or when God shows you that there is sin in your life, don’t be like a stubborn mule, be quick to repent, and ask God to help you to move forward from there. God created this world, He created us, and He knows what is best for us. He knows where and how we will find true happiness and fulfillment. We try in vain when we strive in our own efforts separately from God to achieve happiness and fulfillment.

I believe God has been showing me lately a new purpose that he has for my life, or rather it’s new to me at least, I know God has known all his plans and purposes for my life since before I was ever conceived. I believe God is calling me to write, though this is only a very humble beginning, and I would never have believed it had someone told me that God has called me to write. I always hated literature in school it was one of my worst subjects. I’ve definitely never thought of myself as having the potential to be a writer, and that’s an understatement, but never the less God will do what God wants to do, and just as the Virgin Mary said to the angel, I say to God “I am the Lord’s servant, may everything you’ve said about me come true.”
I’m tired of telling God that I’m not qualified for this, or I’m not gifted enough for that, and so on and so on… If God has called me to do something, He knows how to equip me for it. If there is something you feel like God’s called you to but you’re too afraid, or you think you don’t have what it takes, I want to encourage you with the words of Jesus. “Do not be afraid, only believe”
God has great plans for our lives and true fulfillment and happiness and even blessing and prosperity come when we step into those plans. Together let’s let go of the fear, push past our excuses, and feelings of insufficiency and inadequacy. Together let’s step into the greatness of God’s plans for our lives.
I’ll talk to you next time, Margie