What Makes A Woman Beautiful?

Is there really any hope of actually being that woman, that woman who feels free just to be herself, to love and be loved, giving of herself freely, and without shame, without the fear of being rejected?
I think it's true that many of us hold back who we truly are out of fear. We seldom laugh out loud publicly, because that would draw attention to ourselves, and of course that's embarrassing. There was a lady who used to attend my church, and I loved sitting near her. When the pastor would say something humorous she would just laugh out loud, there was no self-consciousness about it. She wasn't a distraction at all; she simply had a pure joyful laughter that can only come from feeling comfortable about who you are, and not holding back out of fear.
As women we fear being vulnerable, we don't want people to see our fears, our hurts, our weaknesses etc... We're afraid that if we offer our true selves it won't be wanted. I know for too long I have held back a very large part of me, and in the holding back I've lost a lot of who I am. I hide behind who I think people want me to be.
What is it that women think is expected by other women, is it poise, fashion, a slim figure, a quiet delicate laugh, just the right hair style, manicured nails, fresh pedicures, always strong, never weak, she can't be needy, and of course she must always be busy serving, right? Is there anything wrong with any of these things? I say absolutely not. I love it when I look good, sorry, but I do. I would love to be a size six or for my height maybe an eight. I would love to always have fresh manicures and pedicures, always have my hair done just right, and I truly do love serving others. But let's face it; we can't always have everything perfect. Some of us have difficult hair; some of us don't have the income, or the time to go have manicures and pedicures. Sometimes we're too busy with our own lives to be serving others. My point is there's nothing wrong with all of these things, the problem is when we feel demanded by internal and external pressures to be, or to do what we think is expected.
A woman is truly beautiful when she is free to just be who she is without pressure, without self consciousness. When she does her hair, make up and nails, when she dresses up simply because she feels good about herself and loves looking good, when she serves others out of love and not pressure.
I remember years ago I had gone to a large women’s event with my mother in-law and sister in-law. I spent a lot of extra time on my hair and makeup, and I really wanted to look classy. We got back to the hotel, I looked in the mirror, and I was a mess. My hair had fallen, my make up was gone, and my clothes were all crumpled. I complained to my sister in-law that every time I really wanted to look classy, it never worked, but I looked worse than usual. Her response to me was shocking. She said "Margie you are classy, quit trying to be classy, and just be who you are, because who you are is classy". That was a defining moment for me, it has always stayed with me, and a lot of who I am today is because of that. (Thank you Shell, I love you!)
Here's a little bit about myself, some of my fears, some of the things I hold back. Dancing, I have no rhythm (or at least I'm afraid I don't), and so while I would absolutely love to dance, I don't because I'm afraid I will look stupid. I did dance at my son's wedding however, and I was terrified. My (then future) daughter in-law asked me to get a song for the mother son dance, and I freaked out. All of a sudden I was so full of fear, because I was going to have to dance in front of all of my friends and family. I knew I was not going to allow fear and self consciousness to keep me from having this moment with my son, so I overcame fear and had a wonderful dance with my son. I saw the video, and I didn't even look stupid, and it was actually quite a beautiful moment, and I'm so thankful that I pushed passed the fear and had that dance.
I'm afraid to sing out loud, because I don't have a beautiful voice so I keep it to myself (accept at home, where I love to sing opera). I would absolutely love to just sing right out loud and not be self conscious about it. My daughter in-law is so precious she just sings right out loud without a care of what anyone else thinks. I think that in it’s self is beautiful.
I also hold back from expressing myself. I would actually love to talk and be as expressive as people were in earlier eras, when it was okay to express your emotions. When it was okay to tell people how you really feel, and to express the depth of those feelings. My Dearest Mary, I can't sleep at night, because I lie awake thinking about you.... What is so bad about really letting someone know how you feel, and how deeply you feel it? While I don't think I would use the term "dearest", I would love to let others know how I really feel, to express the depth of my emotions, but I don't because that would be unacceptable right?
What are the things of yourself that you hold back? Do you hold back your laugh, or your song? Do you hold back dancing? Do you hold back from giving a hug, because you’re afraid the other person won't want it? Do you hold back what you have to say because you're afraid it won't be received well? Do you hold back helping someone because you think it's unwanted? Do you have a gift (and I don't mean a package) that you're afraid to offer, because maybe it's not quite good enough?
I believe there are many of us who hold back a large part of what makes us who we are out of fear; fear of rejection, fear of failure, and I’m sure it could go on and on. I also believe that pushing past those fears and being who you were truly meant to be, and offering what you have to offer is a step in becoming that beautiful woman who has been buried under the surface of who, and what we think we should be.
There is no three step program to offer, or a magic trick to perform to be that beautiful woman. Becoming who we were truly meant to be; a woman to the core; a woman who is free to be beautiful, desirable, vulnerable, and delicate yet strong is a process. Follow along with me on this journey to discovering the beautiful woman you truly are.